Something weird is happening to our universe | Columns

Does anyone else feel like they are living in a fever dream?

I think it’s possible I’ve been in a coma since maybe 2015 or possibly before, because quite frankly, nothing has made sense, since.

That’s about the time I started seeing Cheryl. She’s way too beautiful, funny and sweet for me. It doesn’t make sense. I know this because, starting with David Flowers, what person after person after person has told me.

Or maybe it stretches as far back as 2008, when this country elected a black president. That was pretty crazy. A whole lot of white people said that could never happen. Come to think of it, a whole lot of white people said a whole lot of really bad things about it.

But wait, what about the World Trade Center collapse after terrorists flew planes into them on live television? That was 2001. And while it was certainly and horribly tragic, from a 20-year perspective, it is completely bizarre.

Did anything really, really weird or seemingly abnormal happen before then?

I’m not sure. I know we had Timothy McVeigh, school shootings, cops in Los Angeles beating up black people — but nothing new there.

I don’t recall anything measuring up in “weirdness” to the equivalent of the previous three things mentioned, the WTC, President Barack Obama and me finding the most beautiful girl in the world.

So I think that’s our “no sense” starting point 11, 2001. Everything has been weird since.

And speaking of weird, just this weekend, NASA scientists, using the recently upgraded Hubble Telescope, are quoted saying “something weird” is happening to our universe.

Something weird? Yeah, so you’re aware the universe is expanding right? No, not just our little galaxy, the Milky Way, but the entire universe is expanding. Here’s the thing, the math, the theories, the dark matter, all the Einstein physics they were using to understand that expansion is wrong.

The universe is expanding faster. And their explanation? “Something weird” is happening to our universe.

Since when are scientists using the word weird to describe important things like our universe?

If they said that in Star Trek Spock would cry out, “Illogical, Captain!”

Fever dream, people, you all are living in my fever dream. And in my fever dream, crazy weird stuff just keeps happening, and just like our universe, these things are happening faster and faster.

For instance, in 2016, we elected Donald Trump as president. That did happen, right? He was the guy with the television show? The only guy to ever lose money owning a casino? I’m not imagining it? OK, OK, fever dream still in effect.

And what happened after that? We elected an unemployable lawyer to be our state representative, right? And what was the result?

Well he annoyed so many of his fellow legislators that he was basically fired. They just took away his district, moved it to Clarksville!

Well, while crazy, all that does make some sense. Maybe I’m awakening from this nightmare.

What? We elected this same guy as a circuit judge? To make decisions about real court cases? Like murders?

Holy Cow, I am definitely still out cold!

At least we’re not in a pandemic — oh wait.


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